Seeing Friends and Family for the First Time Since Surgery

There is nothing like a support system to help you get through cancer diagnosis and
treatment. After you have surgery, your family members and friends will probably want
to stop by and visit. They may also want to cook for you, clean your home or just keep
you company as you recuperate.
While seeing friends and family can be a positive part of your recuperation, it can also
be overwhelming. You might not feel up to having company or you might feel self-
conscious about how you look. Here are some tips on how you should handle seeing
friends and family for the first time since surgery:
1. Talk About it Ahead of Time
If friends and family know when you are having surgery and want updates, use that time
to tell them what you expect about having visitors. For example, you—or the person
updating everyone for you—can say, “Mary is out of surgery and recuperating. If you’d
like to stop by and visit, please text or call us ahead of time so Mary can pick a time
when she’ll be up to enjoying your visit.”
2. Limit Time
Once you know when someone is going to stop by, it’s okay to limit how long they
spend with you. Visits can be fun, but they can be tiring. Let your friend or family
member know how much time you have to spend with them before you have to lay
down, change a dressing, etc. This is especially important for those who just drop by
without calling ahead of time. Feel free to say something like, “Thanks so much for
stopping by to see me. We can chat for a bit and then I’m going to lay down for a nap.”
3. Keep the Sick Away
You just had surgery and should be doing what you can to avoid getting sick. Let your
guests know that if they are germy or feeling under the weather in any capacity, they
should change their visit to another time. If they show up sick, it’s okay to tell them
you’re not feeling up to their visit and plan it for another time. For example, you can say,
“I’m excited to see you now that surgery is over, but it sounds like you’re getting a cold.
Can we reschedule your visit until you’re feeling better so I don’t catch it?”
4. Say No When You Need To
It’s okay to say no if you’re not up to having visitors on any particular day or only want
certain family members or friends to visit. This is your surgery recuperation and,
honestly, you have the right to handle it however you want. Simply say, “Thank you so
much for caring enough to visit, but I’m really not feeling up to guests right now. Can we
get together at another time?”
5. Don’t Let Feeling Self-conscious Get in the Way of Enjoying Visitors
Some women are self-conscious about having visitors, especially after surgery. While it
is normal to feel this way for a little while, think about who is visiting you and whether
they are worried more about how you look or how you feel. In most cases, your friend or
relative is there to see you and do what they can to help. They probably don’t care
about how you look, so it’s best to remind yourself why they are really there.
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